HAPPY NEW YEAR: 2023

          I've always found New Year's Day to be ironic: hopes for a productive and prosperous new year are intended to begin just hours after binge drinking, partying, and travel. While I do not partake in these activities, the act of staying awake to watch the 12:00 time change leaves me feeling just as sluggish and groggy the following morning. For an 18-year-old college student, this may sound ironic as well, but I assure you that I could identify myself more closely to the habits of an 80-year-old. Masked by the New Year's Day headache remains a nagging desire to implement change, however. It seems unavoidable by human nature. The clocks, calendars, and laws have changed, so shouldn't our personal routine follow? I find new year's resolutions to be consubstantial with fundamental American values, however, in the essence that our resolutions are impulsive. It is an infamously known fact that gyms experience peak membership during the months of January-March, then decline as resolutions fall out of habit. Seeing this trend of unfinished goals makes me reluctant to set new years resolutions for myself. It is not the bustle of everyday life that causes us to fail at these goals, rather the shallowness of our objectives. 

          Instead of identifying concrete numbers, times, or dates to achieve my goals, I focus more on the habitual changes that I see being implemented. When I first began reading scripture, I set goals for myself to read a particular number of chapters, pages, or books by a month's end. When the month closed and I did not reach my goal, I felt defeated. I attributed this "failure" to a lack of faith, telling myself that a true Christian would have made the time necessary to accomplish every objective before themself. This fixed mindset hindered me from further growing in faith by discouraging me from even trying: if there was a possibility that I could not complete the goal, why bother starting? But the truth that scripture tells does not align with this fixed mindset. God wants to meet us where we are in the present moment and see our devotion progress from this individual point. He recognizes the worldly impediments that tempt us away from perfect faithfulness and expect our flesh to make missteps along the way. In fact, that is why He mercifully provides the sacrament of confession- so that we can come in sin against His kingdom and be offered forgiveness. Just as Jesus is God, He is also man and empathizes with our flesh's disobedience. 

          When I left for school this past August, I was currently studying the book of Leviticus. I cannot recall how many or how few chapters I had progressed by the time classes started, but I humbly disclose that as of today, I was still reading Leviticus. A book of merely 27 chapters, that should have been completed in a month, took me 5 months to exhaust. Since beginning the Old Testament, it has been challenging to feel enlightened in the midst of God's wrath. Particularly in the the span of books detailing church history, I struggle to find interest or modern relevance in much of the ancient Jewish law. It felt like my heart was seeking a revolutionizing story, like the miracles and parables I was accustomed to while reading the New Testament. This devoid feeling caused me to fall out of habit with my scripture studies, and I allowed my faith to slip in this aspect. I feel guilty leaving God because I was "uninterested," but I accept that it is the truth. In the past 3 days, however, I have made it my mission to finish the remaining four chapters of Leviticus. In the new year, I am free to reevaluate how I approach God's word. In chapter 27 today, I found confirmation of God's mercy toward me. It is written in verse 8:

"If anyone making the vow is too poor to pay the specified amount, 

the person being dedicated is to be presented to the priest,

 who will set the value according to what the one making the vow can afford"

          God comes to meet us where we are at. He does not expect us to be perfect as we come upon Him. By means of this grace, He invites everyone to give their life to His kingdom. Consecrating a vow to God meant providing monetary payment to the tabernacle as part of the dedication. God, in His mercy, understood that the Israelites came from varying social backgrounds, therefore, making a set monetary value difficult. For His people unable to pay the vow amount, the priest was allowed to amend the vow to make it affordable. Despite what we may believe about God being out to condemn us, His actions exhibit quite the opposite. I give myself guilt for intentionally sacrificing time in the scripture, but I can see that God has no intentions to punish me or hold this fault against me. Instead, He has chosen to meet me in other ways that further grow my faithfulness. I have spent countless nights researching liturgical questions to gain insight about saints, obligation days, holy rituals, and symbolism. I share much of this knowledge on the Catholic Cardinals Instagram page for our school. In the past five months, I believe I have established a deeper foundation in my Catholic faith than I would have learned solely from the scripture. Do not interpret this wrongly, as God's word is a necessary source of unbiased, truthful teaching; but, as a (fairly new) Catholic, there was much I needed to know about what and how I believe before I could appreciate its historical origins. 

          In the new year, I am not setting goals for myself that will be marked by checked boxes; instead, I intend to achieve goals that will motivate me to become more consistent in habit year-round. As a perfectionist, it is admittedly my greatest challenge to accept ongoing or unfinished work; but like God has made known, we do not have to be perfect to come to Him. Success is not only achieved when we have thoroughly exhausted the task, but rather as we surpass milestones toward a larger objective. This year, I want to see a change in my mentality and approach trials with both optimism and adaptation. As you, too, approach a new year, remember the covenants that God has made with you. He promises to bring you fulfillment and delight in 2023. 

Excerpt from Leviticus 26:

9 “‘I will look on you with favor and make you fruitful and increase your 

numbers, and I will keep my covenant with you. 

10 You will still be eating last year’s harvest when you will have to move 

it out to make room for the new. 11 I will put my dwelling place

among you, and I will not abhor you. 12 I will walk among 

you and be your God, and you will be my people."

Cheers to the greatest moments of 2022!